Il Miracolo del Dolore (The Miracle of Pain)
I grew up in a family of movie watchers. We had conversations at the dinner table comprised entirely of famous movie lines. Our favorite movie to quote was The Princess Bride. One night, during one of our movie line marathons...our mother suddenly cracked. Exasperated from her day, and running on her last ounce of patience, she slammed her fist on the dinner table and declared, "NO MORE MOVIE LINES, I MEAN IT!" After a moment of silent shock and awe, all 7 of us kids looked at each other, smiled, and then in unison we responded, "Anybody want a peanut?!" We all had a good laugh...even our mother.
To illustrate my point of this entry, may I indulge myself with one additional movie line from this cinematic masterpiece? In the story, the Dread Pirate Roberts has kidnapped Princess Buttercup. He is ridiculing her for abandoning her "one true love" (Wesley), and for allowing herself to marry the evil Prince Humperdink. In a very dramatic moment, she cries out “You mock my pain!”. His response has caused me much reflection…
“Life IS pain your Highness,
anyone who says differently is selling something.”
Everything in our society today is designed to take away our pain…our discomfort…our inconvenience; to make our lives easier. "There's an app for that". All for a modest surcharge or monthly fee.
Think about it…with a small device you hold in the palm of your hand, you wield the power to have pre-cooked food delivered to your doorstep, watch your favorite show (or any show), start a relationship (or end one), share your opinion with the entire world, build a financial empire, and most importantly, watch endless videos of cats…all while never leaving the comfort of your sofa.
Technological miracles abound. Medical advancements have come so far and become so commonplace as to render the possibility of death unacceptable to loved ones of the aged or infirm. It’s “Inconceivable!”
As amazing and miraculous as all this is, I wonder if some of the side effects many of us suffer from today (myself included) are stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness and even boredom. One of the bi-products of all these modern day conveniences is that maybe, just maybe, we have become immune to pain and discomfort. Maybe we have just forgotten how to process it.
In 2 Nephi Chapter 2 of the Book of Mormon, we find a scriptural dichotomy. In verse 25 we read: "Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy." We live in a fallen and broken world, and as such, there will always be pain. And yet, we were created to have joy!
Thirty years ago, I attended a meeting that left a lasting impression on me. The speaker was a quadriplegic man named Jack Rushton. He got around with his wheelchair by using a mouthpiece controlled by his tongue. As a physically active 24 year old young man at the time, seeing him up there I thought to myself, "That would be my worst nightmare". He was paralyzed from the neck down, and yet he spoke about his experience with grace and optimism, and talked about all that he had learned from this tragedy. And then he said something I would never forget:
“Pain is inevitable…but misery is optional”
You see, pain does not equate to misery. And joy does not come with a pain-free guarantee.
Gordon B Hinkley, an eternal optimist, quoted a journalist of his day: "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The truth is, most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. (Here’s the takeaway) Life is like an old time rail journey–delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
It's is easy to look around the world today and ask “Why”? Someone with a limited understanding or perspective may look to the heavens, shake their fist at God and shout, “Why would you allow bad things to happen to good people? It isn’t fair!”
I believe there are two answers to this age-old question:
The first one is found in 2 Nephi 25:11. "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so...righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad."
Ancient Chinese Philosophy calls this principle Yin and Yang: a concept that describes how "obviously opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another."
How can we enjoy the miracle of a rainbow without having a rainstorm?
How can we fully experience the sweet freedom of forgiving another person without first being injured?
How boring would a superhero movie be without an archnemesis to battle?
How do we learn to truly love without being required to sacrifice?
That is the 2nd answer to our age-old question of why God allows bad things to happen to his children…because through those things, we learn humility, empathy and we learn to sacrifice for others. And sacrifice teaches us to love…and love practiced consistently begets Charity. And Charity is a Christlike attribute.
A few years ago Stephanie and I sat on the couch of some friends of ours who had lost their son to suicide a few years before. We talked about that struggle, and as we did, my heart broke for these friends of ours and their overwhelming loss. Now, 30 years later as a man in his 50's I thought to myself, "That would be my worst nightmare." The mother pointed to a quote on their wall by the prophet Russell M. Nelson: "The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life." She smiled and said, “the pain I still feel reminds me of the love that we have for our son”.
Put another way... the depth of our love in this life is directly proportional to the pain of our loss. The greater the love, the deeper the loss.
But what if this is by Divine Design?
Neal A. Maxwell said - “How can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, 'Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then, let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!"
So pain is not only inevitable…it is necessary. It refines us. And if we allow it to bring us closer to our Savior, it also defines us, because it is a constant reminder of He who sacrificed all for us.
When we suffer, I believe we get a seat at the table of Christ's compassion. It's as if he turns to us with complete empathy and understanding and with a loving smile, says, “tell me about your trial, your pain, your struggle”….and then listens and nods his head as if to say, “I feel you, I see you, I get it."
Likewise, when we in turn bear another’s burden, when we mourn with those that mourn, when we listen with empathy and without judgment, condition or comparison, we get the opportunity to sample what the Savior’s pure love tastes like. And we learn Charity. And guess what Charity feels like? JOY!
The Greeks identified 5 different levels, or degrees of Love. Now, I LOVE tacos. But that love is different from my “Bromance” with my best guy friend. And that love is different from what I feel for my children, which is also different than the love I have for my wife.
BUT…the very highest form of love is called Agape Love - Defined as: A Heightened level of awareness, the steady intention of the will to another’s highest good (Does that sound familiar?). This is how God loves.
1 John 9:14 states simply, “We love Him, because He first loved us”.
"Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons (and daughters) of God…but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see Him as he is."
In the words of Inigo Montoya..."Let me sum up":
- Life is Pain.
- Misery is optional.
- Opposition is necessary.
- The price of Opposition is Sacrifice.
- Sacrifice stimulates Love.
- Love cultivates Charity.
- Charity propagates Godliness.
- And IF we are filled with Charity....We.Shall.Be.Like.Him.
It’s almost…Inconceivable.
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